Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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