somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
