Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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