i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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