I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
