You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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