dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
