Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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