He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
