I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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