Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
