My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
