i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
