he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
