I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
