No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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