we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
