She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
