I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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