Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
