my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
