Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
This is the high leading the old right now
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
