No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
