Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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