I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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