she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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