Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
