I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
