i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
