do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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