My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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