Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
