I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
