i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
