all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
