im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
