I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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