The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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