you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
