you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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