This dress was meant to end up on your floor
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
