Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
