Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
