have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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