I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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