And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
