I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
