So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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