you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
