I just cut my nipple shaving
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
