I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
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