Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
