can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
