Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
