i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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