How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
