Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
