ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
She needs sedatives and a leash
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
