dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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