I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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