How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Randomize
