we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
