Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
