I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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