when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
