Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Randomize
